“Feminism – the advocacy of women’s rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes.”

     When Rama rescued Sita from the hands of the great Lankan Asura, instead of comfort and care for his wife who had just been recovered from a traumatic experience, he asked her to prove to him her purity. Prove to him that her ‘virtue’ remained still intact. ‘Oh Sita’, he exclaimed, ‘You are now a stain on my name, and I can no longer accept you as my wife.’. Draupadi, a woman of a later era, was treated by like a mere possession, a pawn to be given away by her husbands when they had nothing left to gamble away. And when she was given away she was asked to sit naked upon another man’s thigh. The idea of a woman as a possession has been narrated to us through our ancient epics and into our curriculum when we learn about the Vedas and the much ‘revered’ Manusmriti which establishes the numerous laws on who can marry who, who is untouchable and more.

     The very idea of sexism has been stamped into our culture, dating back to ages. The idea of feminism has been misconstrued and misquoted and confused. Feminism is not the dominance of women over men, it is the equality of women and men. Where when a man and woman do the same work they are paid the same amount, where a woman can go out wearing a dress without the fear of being raped. Where women are allowed to be as sexually assertive as men without being called  indecent sluts, whores and a list of other choice words, too colorful to be mentioned here.

     A woman who is sexually assertive, who is independent in today’s day and age, who works and dresses the way she wants, is not safe. Granted that it is an improvement from corsets and agni-parikshas to prove one’s chastity. However while women are now ‘allowed’ to work and sati is no longer a problem, there are a number of flaws in the mindsets of a large percentage of the population towards women. Today while we may not ask our widows to immolate themselves, we do ask them not to where clothing of their choice, party late and more, for fear of them being raped, abused or even killed by their families in the name of honor.

    Why does it take a woman being gang raped by six men to first bring the entire Indian population’s attention to the fact that there is a serious problem in the way we are educating our men and women to form their attitudes towards women, women’s equality and women’s safety? Why is it that after having killed a woman through rape, it took 5 years to condemn some of the criminals who committed the crime to their punishment. And why is it that only the men who committed the rape where millions turned their head and questioned the government was some punishment taken?  Why did it take Bilkis Banno years to get her justice? Why are rapists allowed to walk free after raping young children? Why is no one taking the time to answer these questions?

Feminism is where a woman can be as sexually assertive as a man without having a string of colorful words attached to her person.

    Let’s be honest. It’s not the cure that matters at this point. Like every disease that needs to be eradicated, where the cure is elusive, it is the preventive measures that will erase most traces of the sickness. While we teach the daughters of our homes that it is okay to be assertive, that they are to be independent, work, get educated at the same time most families don’t change the way they teach their boys. ‘Boys aren’t supposed to cry,’ we say to them, ‘Boys are the bread-earners. Boys control the money and the family’. And while some families now tell their girls, ‘It is not an offence to menstruate.’ instead of ‘Menstruating girls are dirty, and shouldn’t go to the temple, where God who is said to create life would be offended.’ we have not yet said to the boys- ‘It is okay to cry. It is fine to let your wife work and earn her own money. It is fine to be a man who watches princess movies with your daughter and it is a miracle to have a girl child in your family.’ Why not teach your sons, while you teach you daughters to be independent and confident and assertive, to be respectful, to be understanding, to be sensitive, to learn the meaning of the term ‘no.’

   This is not simply an Indian phenomenon, worldwide our mindsets need to change as we teach men and women new roles in society and give them different statuses. Why teach children from infancy that for a man to be a homemaker and a woman to be a breadearner is an alien and inherently wrong concept? Let this generation and the next be taught that statuses are presented on the basis of merit rather than which sex you are.

   The problem lies not only in men, for me to generalize that would be to discriminate amongst them and thereby against the very ideals of feminism. Women too need to be given the horizons where they view each other not as enemies but as friends, who make each other stronger. Women need to see themselves as assertive and independent and deserving as the same rights that men are simply ‘given’. In the book Mistress of Spices, the character Lalita who is regulary abused by her husband, tries to mould herself to his wishes. She is found to be medically sound in terms of fertility and when asking her husband to check whether the problem of infertility lies with him is beaten till her skin hues black and blue and yet she stays with him till the very end of the book.

   So where does ‘Me too’ lie among this deconstruction of the problem. While it may seem simple, ‘Me too.’ is the beginning of a revolution. A revolution among the great ones where the call for respect and for equality is regarded as millions come together to testify  against sexism, assault and abuse. It is for men and women to stand together and amongst the cacophonous naysayers who boo loudly to find their harmony and equal rhythm. For men and women to come together and admit that they have both committed crimes and been victims of cruelty. And amongst this acceptance lies a fire, greater perhaps than the one Agni himself lit for Sita, which will in its own way purify our notions about each sex. As feminism is represented and ‘Me too’ is hashtagged, I am comforted by the lull of the words which light the pyre and alight the path to equality.

Teach your women to embrace their sexuality, embrace power and strength and go for what they desire. Let the world be handed to them on a platter, ready for exploration. But more importantly, tell your boys the same. Raise your boys on lullabies and legends of women who can.